The Silence of Our Legacy: Childhood Trauma in African Families

By Phanice Rono 

Many African families do not describe childhood as something to be treasured; they define it as a time of growth or development. The lessons learned through discipline are those that teach a person to be a person; facing difficulty builds endurance. Doing what you are told creates the development of respect. We are taught to endure.

And since endurance is valued in society, we do not have a lot of language to express trauma from our childhood’s.

A lot of children do not show their trauma until they are grown. The trauma may not be observable and could be experienced as constant fighting in the home, corporal punishment that turns to ridicule, never-ending comparisons to other kids, and love being replaced by provision and silence instead of reassurance.

"We provide you with food, we pay for your school fees. What more do you want?"

Most children want something they cannot explain emotionally; they just want emotional safety. Children’s cultures have hierarchy, and sometimes it is inappropriate to question adults or express feelings. Many children are told boys should be strong and girls should be patient. They learn to suppress confusion, hold in fear, and keep pain from the outside world. As adults, they may not know how to express emotions without anger, may confuse distance with independence, think performance is love, and continue scanning for threats with a nervous system that originally learned to survive unpredictability.

Trauma also relates to missed experiences in addition to what occurred. A father who provides material necessities but does not give emotional support or affirmation. A mother who sacrifices her own desires to care for children but provides no emotional support. A home where success is more important than secure attachment.

Many functional adults from Africa today carry emotional scars while excelling at work and school, yet still operating from childhood survival responses. These traits have positives, but they also reflect the pressure African families faced raising children under poverty, displacement, rigid colonial education systems, and cultural gender expectations. Despite limited resources, many African parents gave everything they had.

Acknowledging childhood trauma in Africa does not reject culture; it allows room to improve it. It is possible to honour African traditions and be emotionally safe; to value discipline without humiliation; to teach strength while allowing vulnerability.

This shift is uncomfortable; it challenges elders and disrupts tradition. Yet it offers hope for developing human beings capable of overcoming what they learned as children.

But the bottom line is..The existence of childhood trauma does not mean African homes are broken; they are human. Humanity can evolve when given the opportunity to reflect and grow.