The Art of Pretending Not to Care

By Mary Kamau 

Somewhere along the way, caring became embarrassing.We now live in a time where the safest emotion to display is indifference. You like someone? Act normal. They hurt you? Say “it’s whatever.” You’re struggling? Laugh it off. The modern emotional uniform is calm, detached, and unaffected,even when the truth is the complete opposite.

This performance shows up everywhere. Messages are left on read not because there’s nothing to say, but because replying too fast feels like losing power. People rehearse nonchalant responses while their hearts race behind the screen. Friends say “I’m good” when exhaustion is written all over their faces. Even joy is rationed; showing too much excitement risks looking naive.

Pretending not to care is not apathy. It is protection.

Many have learned that caring openly invites disappointment. Vulnerability can be misunderstood, mocked, or simply ignored. So detachment becomes armor,a quiet strategy to avoid rejection, maintain dignity, and keep control in a world where emotional exposure feels risky.

Social media has perfected this posture. The curated calm, the sarcastic captions, the effortless aesthetic,all signal a life untouched by longing or insecurity. But behind the filters are drafts never posted, messages never sent, and emotions edited down to something safer.

Yet the cost of indifference is subtle but heavy. When everyone is pretending not to care, genuine connection struggles to breathe. Conversations remain shallow. Apologies arrive late or never. Relationships stall in ambiguity because no one wants to be the one who feels more.

Ironically, the courage to care is what makes relationships real. To admit missing someone, to show excitement, to ask difficult questions, to say “that hurt me”,these acts require a bravery that detachment disguises as weakness.

Maybe the real strength isn’t in playing it cool. Maybe it’s in risking sincerity in a culture fluent in emotional disguise.

Because beneath the carefully crafted “I don’t care” is a truth most people share:we do.