"When Love Meets Resistance: What to Do When Parents Disapprove of Your Spouse"

 

Falling in love is an exhilarating experience, but what happens when the people who raised you can’t seem to celebrate your chosen partner?

This is the painful and often confusing reality facing many singles today, especially in faith-based communities. Parental disapproval can feel like a heavy blow to the heart—but according to Dr. John Mining, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship.

In a recent address to young adults and singles during a relationship and marriage seminar, Dr. Mining laid out a compelling, practical guide titled “What To Do When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Choice of Spouse.” The message is one of maturity, patience, and godly wisdom.

“Sometimes, our parents see what we cannot see because love clouds our judgment,” Dr. Mining said. “But sometimes, their disapproval stems from bias—not discernment. We must learn to know the difference.”

Listening Before Reacting

According to Dr. Mining, the first and most vital step is to listen—not argue.

“Don’t dismiss their concerns,” he said. “Even if you don’t agree, listen with humility and ask probing questions: ‘What exactly worries you about this relationship?’ Respect keeps the door of communication open.”

He urges singles to honestly examine the relationship in the light of faith and character: “Could God be using your parents to reveal something?”

Sorting Bias from Red Flags

Not all objections are created equal. Dr. Mining points out that while some concerns may involve real issues—such as irresponsibility or toxic behavior—others may be rooted in tribalism, status, or outdated traditions.

He challenges singles to reflect: “If this concern wasn’t raised by my parents, would I still consider it important?”

Time, Patience, and Proof

Rushing to get parental approval can lead to deeper division. Instead, Dr. Mining encourages couples to be patient and let their relationship mature.

“Demonstrate responsibility, faith, and commitment. Let your parents see your partner’s character, not just your excitement,” he advised.

Facilitating natural opportunities for parents to know the partner better—through dinners, events, or relaxed conversations—can help bridge the gap.

When Mediation Is Needed

For more complicated cases, Dr. Mining recommends involving a neutral third party—a pastor, elder, or trusted family friend.

“A respected mediator helps everyone feel heard and respected. It’s not manipulation—it’s wisdom,” he said.

When You Must Stand Your Ground

Despite the desire for approval, Dr. Mining reminds young adults that marriage is ultimately their decision 

“At the end of the day, it’s your life. If after prayer, reflection, and wise counsel you are certain about your choice, stand firm—with love, not rebellion,” he emphasized.

He warned against resorting to manipulation, such as emotional ultimatums or unwise actions like unplanned pregnancy to force acceptance.

“Let your faith and maturity speak louder than your frustration,” Dr. Mining urged.

Keep Love in the Conversation

The seasoned counselor concluded with a message of hope: “You can love your parents and your partner. One does not cancel the other. With prayer, wisdom, and godly diplomacy, your story can end not just in marriage—but in peace.”

A Prayer and a Promise

Dr. Mining led the gathering in prayer, declaring: “You will not fail in marriage in Jesus’ name. Your parents shall one day bless what they once feared. And your home shall reflect the love of Christ.”